So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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