It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
