just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
