i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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