At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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