he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
