..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
