remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
false alarm. still invincible.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
