She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
