I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
