Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
