If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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