Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
