How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
