We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Randomize
