Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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