so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Randomize
