I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
