Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
