funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
