Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
