i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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