Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
