Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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