But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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