you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
