you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
