you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
