now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
