Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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