Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
