come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
