Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
