____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
