nut hugger
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I checked into jail on foursquare
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
