Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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