I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
