he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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