I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
