I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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