peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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