omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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