The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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