By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Randomize
