3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
