he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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