My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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