And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
