Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
