you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
