I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
