Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
