I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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