All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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