I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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