he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
